c25k Week three complete, weigh in anticipations and the person in the mirror irritates me.

18 02 2010

c25k Week Three

Is complete but not without it’s frustrations.  I’ve been pretty strict about my running days (Sun, Tues, Thurs) since starting this program a month ago (holy hell a month already!!!!).  This week was the first week I had a schedule snafu (totally my fault) and it really threw me for a loop. I accidentally scheduled myself for a dental appointment this morning at the buttcrack time of 8:00am. This put me in a bind. In order to get the run and dentist accomplished I would need to be where I needed to be by 7am.

My first thought was to move the dentist appointment = Nothing available until March 4th. That’s a no go. Then I thought about moving my run day. Also not an option because then I got all angst about missing my regular day, which turned into a “maybe I should shift my running days all together” which inevitably turned into a “Oh Tara, you’ll never run again and gain all your fat back (especially your back fat)” conversation.

Okay so moving the appt was out and  moving my run day was out. That left moving the location so that I would be in a midway point between run and office for easy transition. Waterfront = out. Track = in.  All of this decision making took place for almost 4 days before today. I angst…A LOT.

No pretty water to look at but I did discover something pretty spectacular today. I can now run one track length without stopping. That’s 400 meters! To calculate that in terms of what I can understand if I am doing two 3 minute intervals + two 1.5 minute intervals I am running the equivalent of … wait for it: 3/4 of a mile.


Now before you all run out and by some pom poms for cheering me, it is with my walking in between but come on people, that’s pretty cool considering a month ago I couldn’t run even 100 meters (or 1/4 of the track length) without stopping and practically spitting up a lung.

So there you have it folks. Fat girl is running faster and longer. Now that this whole dental / schedule snafu is out of the way I can get back to focusing on week 4 which is due to begin on Sunday. It’s quite a jump in length for running. Two intervals of 3 minutes and two intervals of 5 minutes…5 MINUTES! Again, I will give it my all on Sunday. If it is just too much of a push then I’ll repeat week 3.

Imagine me running for 5 minutes.

Weigh in anticipations.

Tomorrow will be week #8 for weigh in. Two months I’ve been on this journey. It feels like forever. If feels like just yesterday. I’m weighing myself everyday and I like the numbers that I see. I mentioned in an earlier post I think I’m going to hit the 20 pound milestone in the morning. I got some good numbers today and barring any wicked ideas of eating a gallon of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream (followed by a coma induced trip to the dollar menu at jack in the box), I think I’m gonna have some good numbers tomorrow (fingers crossed).

The person in the mirror irritates me.

Seriously! I wish I could just turn her off for a bit. I can step on the scale and see the positive changes.  I can put on my clothes and feel the difference . I feel better.  I’m sleeping better.  My overall mood is good. But I’ll be damn if that person in the mirror isn’t trying her best to bring me down. There is no way I could do this if I wasn’t also in some form of cognitive therapy.

It’s so frustrating. Everyone around me is complimenting me, congratulating me, motivating me and being motivated in return. Yet, there she is lurking in those damn mirrors. Waiting for me to catch a glimpse of myself. Waiting to shut me down. Oh I see her and I try to prepare myself. I point my finger at her and sternly think “oh no you don’t”, but in the end she does.

Losing the weight is the easy part. Losing the girl in the mirror…now that’s the real work. I want to be a 100+ pound loser. I want to have those fantastic side by side shots. One being 263 the other 163. I want to have those awesome pictures where you see the person eating a big old piece of cake and then the same person running a marathon. I want to put my fat pants on with both my legs in one pant leg. I want to be that person that people look at and go “her, really 263 pounds??? no way”. In order to do that the girl in the mirror must vacate.

I love her though. She has been with me since before I can remember. Telling me how she’s my only friend. She’s the only one that truly understands what it’s like to be fat. She’s the only one that understands what it was like during bouts of bulimia. She took those diet pills with me religiously and told me this is the way to lose the weight, knowing full well this was not the way it was going to happen. She was the one that repeatedly told me to just give up cause this is never going to work. It didn’t need to work because we were going to be together forever…just her and I.

I really need to work on that “vacate the premises” paperwork.

Do you have someone in the mirror?

new muscles, hey you look different and the lady at the park.

16 02 2010

New Muscles:

Here are some muscles I’ve recently discovered on my body:

The first being the Rectus Femoris. I noticed it yesterday while I was walking my dogs. I put my hands on upper portion of my thigh and BAM there is was working away. The second muscle is the Latissimus Dorsi.  This happy little discovery was this morning while I was doing the 3 minute walking portion of the c25k (week three day two). I put my hands on my upper back and lo and behold there were my two new friends letting me know that they were getting bigger, stronger and happy to be making an appearance. I am now starting to notice physical changes happening to my body. My back is definately smaller. Face thinner and I’m pretty sure my belly is shrinking at least a tiny bit. I took a side shot (naked) of myself back in Late December and then retook the same pose today. There is a difference that even I can’t deny:

December 29th, 2009

February 16th, 2010

So there you have it folks…my belly in all it’s glory. It may not look like much something is better than nothing!.The changes are coming and after all this hard work it’s nice to finally notice them.

The lady in the park:

My run wasn’t as enjoyable as I had hoped for. Each 3 minute run I was pretty damn tempted to give up and walk. I didn’t. I wanted too. Oh man how I wanted too. It felt like 3 minutes was taking forever. I pretty sure I swore at my podcast for secretly forcing me to run longer than 3 minutes (I feel a conspiracy theory in the making). In the end I did finish without stopping. I was feeling a little disappointed at how difficult this particular run turned out. As I was doing the 5 minute cool down I saw an elderly woman walking her two dogs. She stopped me and in the sweetest grandmotherly voice warned me about the dog poop that was on the sidewalk  up ahead (I of course had  taken notice the first time around). She asked me why someone wouldn’t clean up after their dog, to which I had no answer. She then said (not to me but to non poop picker upper) “This is your park. You should take care of it. If you don’t it won’t be here anymore”…

As we part ways I start thinking about what she said.

I was frustrated at the way my body was reacting to having to work hard just to run 3 minutes. But in reality I hadn’t been taking care of my “park” very well over the last 30 years. I let it go just thinking that it would take care of itself. You can’t imagine a beautiful garden and then assume it will magically  grow on it’s own without putting work into. I can’t just close my eyes, think about a 5k and then get up and do it. It’s a physical impossibility right now (unless a bear was chasing me but I’m pretty sure the bear would win). What I can do today is run 3 minutes. It’s more than I was doing just 7 short weeks ago.  7 weeks from now I might be getting ready to pick a 5k (but please don’t hold me to that just yet).

7 weeks ago I closed my eyes and began to imagine what my park might look like and today this is what I did to get closer to that reality:

  • Completed week three day two of c25k (22 minutes)
  • Walked the dogs (30 minutes)
  • Ate a good breakfast
  • Walked up a total of 6 flights of stairs
  • Walked on my lunch break
  • Bought the latest issue of “Clean Eating”
  • Consuming water
  • Blogged about all of the above.

What are you doing to take care of your park today?

3 minute run and hello 244!

14 02 2010

3 minute run

Today was week 3 day 1 of c25k. I’m not going to lie. I was pretty freaked out when I woke up this morning. I had picked my place to run: Ruston Way. I picked an early time of 7am. The city in which I live (Tacoma WA) rarely wakes up before 9 on Sundays so I thought it would be a fairly deserted place. I needed something other than the track at the college and the geese that inhabit it to look at. I picked the waterfront for it’s calming effect. I got up earlier than anticipated (running anxiety) and tried to put it off as long as I could (hello facebook). Finally at 6:25a I posted on my FB that I would be on the waterfront in 30 minutes. Nothing like making a statement to the world (or at least my 183 friends) to motivate you into moving. No going back to for me. I was right about the calming effect of the water. I was wrong about it being deserted. At some point in this journey I was going to have to face my fear of being seen trying to run and just let people see me. Today would be that point. Here’s the jist of what happened:

  • Five minute warm up – goes well. I walk like a pro!
  • 90 second run – I know I can do this so no problem there.
  • 90 second walk – see above
  • 3 minute run – I pick a point way off in the distance and go for it. “I will not die from running 3 minutes” is my mantra. Other runners go by (much more professional looking that I could hope for) and they give me the “runner’s” wave. They don’t point and laugh. They don’t stop me and say “hey maybe you should just go home”. They smile. Maybe they remember what it was like to be where I was. Maybe they too used to be 100+ pounds overweight. They include me on this Sunday morning and before I know it Robert Ullrey (podcast) is telling me the first 3 minutes are over. It’s over. I did it. For the first time in my life (at least the last 30 years) I run longer than I ever have. What I thought for sure was impossible was possible. I just ran 3 minutes.
  • 3 minute walk – I look behind me and I’m surprised how far I went. I wonder if maybe I should turn around and do the second half of this on the way back. I decide no. I keep going in the direction that I’m heading. Taking me farther away from my car and that much more work to get back once I’m done.
  • 3 minute run – The first one down left me feeling elated. Doing the second round was a little harder. I’m tired (but not too tired). I’m sweaty (but not too sweaty). Again I pick a point and go. 3 minutes later I’ve finished Week 3 day 1.

Now the long walk back. A walk of triumph. Just to prove to myself that I did in fact run, I run a little more. Not too much. Just enough to remind myself of what I just did and what I can do again (on Tuesday). I get back to the car and snap a picture. Sweaty and Proud!

Hello 244!

Home all sweaty and in need of a serious shower, I undress and then think to myself “Self, I know you did your weigh in yesterday (246.2) but maybe just hop on and see what you see”. So I did just that and this is what I saw:

I don’t know the last time I saw this weight. I won’t use this as my official weigh in weight but man it felt good to see this number. If it sticks by next Saturday then I’ll have officially lost 20 lbs since December 29th. If this sticks I will have lost 1/5 of the total weight I’m shedding on this life journey. For the first time in my life I’ve lost weight just by eating less and moving more. No Atkins, No pills, no starvation, no binge / purging.

Just the purpose to change a way of life!