Pre OWiS #25 week in review!

18 06 2010

It’s that time again.

Time where I review my week in anticipation of tomorrow OWiS. This will be #25 since starting this journey. This week has seen some great accomplishments and yet tonight I feel out of sorts. I was supposed to meet with Superman today but he had to cancel at the last minute. With the both of us being on vacation we’ve not been able to get together for just under three weeks. I was really looking forward to today but understand his need to cancel. So tonight I’m feeling a little let down and trying not to get all bummed out and what not.

Lets get to the good stuff!

Saturday: I ran my second 5k and got a personal best time of 37:00. Here are some of the pictures from the race!

Sunday: I started breaking in my Vibrams with a short one mile run on the treadmill (fastest mile thus far). I also signed up for a 10k that was scheduled to happen July 17th but as with all new runners we have to remember to double-check our schedules and NOT just willy nilly sign up for races. I did, and then realized I have prior work engagements. CRAP! No worries though, that 10k will happen and it will happen soon!

Monday: Ran two miles in my vibrams!

Tuesday: Found out I have a bounce in my step and can unequivocally declare I am no longer a “functioning depressed” person. I also ran 2.8 miles in my vibrams.

Wednesday: Was the first of two cancellations by Superman this week. Big bummer on my side. I took it as a sign from the Universe to take a rest day and catch up on my sleep. 11 hours worth of zzz’s was totally worth it.

Thursday: Took my vibrams out and ran a personal 5k. From Saturday to Thursday I ran a total of 12 miles. Not bad for a fat chick that couldn’t run a block to save her life back in January. Oh I also got some swag and had a kick ass N(on) S(cale) V(ictory).

Today: I got the second cancellation from Superman. He left me a really nice message apologizing profusely and to not give up on him. Funny, I never would have thought working out with me meant that much to him. I feel sad that he has to keep canceling because I know he feels bad and I know it’s for medical reasons. This is the kind of guy I would go out and drink beers with, talk about fishing or go to monster trucks with so I won’t be going anywhere anytime soon.  Barring some horrific medical problem (I hope I didn’t just jinx him) I’m sure he’s not going anywhere either.

So there is my week in review. Ten-toed Charlie hasn’t really moved that much for me this week. I can’t say for sure whether there will be a loss or not. Up until this morning there wasn’t enough of a change to write home about.  Regardless of what TTC says I’m thrilled with the running mileage and even more thrilled to be wearing my sock monkey Christmas pajamas (which I will probably wear every day until I turn 50)

See you all in the morning!





Food as part of the solution, not the problem / Pre-OWiS week in Review

21 05 2010

Dang it!

Its Friday already.

Seriously, did someone come here and steal my week cause I’m not sure what happen to it. Seems I woke Monday and then BAM its Friday. I tried to look for a pause button on this crazy ass week but I guess I accidentally put it in the last bag of clothes I donated to the Goodwill.

Before I get to the week in review, I wanted to share a small (yet victorious) epiphany I had today while shopping for my weekly lunches at Trader Joe’s. I’m pretty sure Seth (Fit with a Purpose) would classify this as an NSV or Non-Scale Victory.

My food choices are now part of the solution.

They are not part of the problem.

When I was at Trader Joe’s, I was looking at all the frozen entrees and I realized at one time I had 5 different items turned upside down and I was comparing nutritional value.  Not just calories but everything: Fat content, sodium amounts, protein values. It was like second nature. Six months ago I would have just gone into a store willy nilly and put stuff in my basket without a thought to anything but how it would taste in my mouth.

I see food as fuel.

Not as a way to make me feel better emotionally.

I looked down at my basket full of veggies, flax seed, greek yogurt and delicious Trader Joe’s frozen entrees and I just stood there, thinking about how different things are for me now. How every decision is conscious and deliberate.

Conscious and Deliberate.

Nothing in my life was conscious and deliberate before this journey.

Life just was.

I’m not saying the battle with food is over. I’ve not yet been in a situation where there wasn’t at least a healthier option to food. I haven’t been in a room alone with a birthday cake. I have wished my protein filled fish was a cheesy slice of pepperoni pizza from dominoes, but it quickly faded without incident. I’ve consciously had Baskin Robbins ice-cream that led to unconscious S & P (snacking and picking) so I know it is still a learning process for me.  But that’s the great thing, I’m learning. I don’t know what macronutrients are, but I’m starting to learn. I don’t know exactly how many grams of each macronutrient I should be consuming, but I’m starting to learn.

Food is part of the solution now.

I hope it is for you too.

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This week has been…well I’m not really even sure how to describe it. Major milestones were hit. Humbling lessons were learned. New adventures tried. I guess I can only use Valerie’s (Seattlerunnergirl) word:

AWESOMETASTICNESS

Saturday – I saw the biggest weight loss since starting this journey. I also received a letter from a friend I’d lost contact with for some time.

Sunday – I participated in my first race event. I walked the Capital City Half Marathon. My number was 1469. My running shirt was a large! It was awesome!

Monday – I ran my fastest mile ever out of frustrations with Superman and then I learned to never complain again.

Tuesday – I gave an anatomy lesson.

Wednesday – Was just a typical Wednesday…however I did see 7 mph on the treadmill that morning, but I had to take a break from running in anticipation of my first 5K. I will be revisiting that speed again soon (oh hell yes I will).

Thursday – Just your average Thursday, if  your Thursday includes deciding to do a TRIATHLON! Oh and of course I talked about my own tipping point!

Today – A great session with Superman, a great 2 mile walk to stay limber and I am learning to like taking pictures of myself!

This was taken today.

Just for comparison, here is a picture from a year ago.

So the week in review is done. This is the part where I try to predict whether there is going to be a gain or a loss come tomorrow’s weigh-in. The scale has been all over the place this week. It did get back down to 213 this morning so I can’t really say what I think is going to happen. Here’s what I do know for the first time in this journey: Regardless of what the numbers show me tomorrow, I could give a RAT’S ASS! That’s right, I don’t really care. I know my first gain a few weeks ago was overly emotional but mixed with a family crisis it was understandable. I made it through and pushed forward. I’ve lost 50 pounds so far and I am starting to suspect my weight loss is going to slow down now that I’ve added weight training. I may even see some gains along the way.

  • I am not gaining because of lack of movement.
  • I am not gaining because of bad food choices.
  • I am not gaining because of lack of determination.
  • I am not gaining because of lack of self pride.
  • I am not gaining because I can’t move forward
  • I am not gaining  because I am afraid.
  • I am not gaining because I am depressed.
  • I am not gaining because I am weak.
  • I am not gaining because I think I can’t be successful.
  • I am not gaining because I want to give up.
  • I am not gaining because I don’t have any fight left in me.

So take that scale! And for the rest of you, I’ll see you in the morning!





Week in Review / Pre walk jitters

14 05 2010

Wow, this week seems to have flown by. I feel like I was just here getting ready to sit down on my pity potty because of my first gain in 19 weeks and here I am a week later with a renewed sense of fight.  It was a great week and I am sort of sad to see it come to an end…But it just means I get to start another awesome week!

Let’s do this!

Sunday – After allowing myself 24 hours of “Boo hoo” time I strapped on my Sauconys and finally accomplished something I’ve been trying to do for almost four months: I ran my first non-stop 5k!

Monday – Was supposed to be Superman but no go so I just futz around the gym…It was a serious futz session. Treadmill, elliptical, Upright bike, Recumbent bike and I actually eyed the ARC trainer but steered clear.

Tuesday – Was supposed to be a make up session with Superman but he had to cancel again (grrrr)…so instead I RAN THE FASTEST MILE EVER! Oh and I swam for 100 laps (1.43 miles). Also introduced Baby bear and Mama bear. It will be a while before I introduce Papa Bear!

Wednesday – I threw a welcome back party for my favorite body part. I am amazed at the transformation.

Thursday – I finally got to see Superman. I paid for a summer worth of trainings and then he proceeded to kick my ass.  Dead Lifts, Kettle ball lunges and weight lifting squats…this is going to be a great summer!

Friday – Today I pulled out a kick ass workout because I am taking tomorrow off in preparation of Sunday’s 1/2 marathon walk. As I was on the elliptical I kept eyeing the ARC machine that Tony is always raving about. It looked scary but I thought now or never. I spent 30 minutes on it and it might be my new best friend. I swam for an hour and right now I’m icing my legs cause they hurt lol. Oh and I bought a sweet plaid skirt for next’s week Great Kilted 5k run!

Tomorrow will be OWiS #20 and I am pretty excited about what the scale has been saying so far this week. I don’t want to spoil tomorrow’s number but I’ve learned a valuable lesson this week: My body does not like stress. The weight gain was a good indicator and it has forced me to recognize that while I am on the path of living a healthier life, stress must be managed and managed properly.

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I don’t know why but I am super nervous about this event happening on Sunday. I’m doing the 1/2 marathon walk and I am bouncing off the walls just thinking about it. I’m not sure how to pinpoint what is going through my head but I feel like I am about to take this LCJ to a whole new level. I’ve worked my ass off the last 4 1/2 months and now I’m taking that hard work out into the world. Yes I’ve run outside but never in a race environment. I’ve never worn a number before…

I’M GOING TO WEAR A NUMBER!

(you better believe I’m framing that baby)

I will be standing in a crowd of athletes and for the first time in my life, I will be included amongst them. I won’t be standing on the sidelines wondering what it would be like to have a piece of paper pinned to my shirt and wondering if I’ll ever muster up the courage to change my life. I won’t be watching the runners and walkers go by and then degrade myself for being lazy and not doing anything about my weight.

I am an athlete.

I have the courage.

I made the change.

This is the gateway I’ve been waiting for. Sunday’s 13 mile walk leads me to next week’s 5k (my first) which leads me to my second 5k June 12th which leads me to….

My life.

See you all in the morning!





Fubariffic / A Special Shout Out to BBP / Pre OWiS Week in Review

7 05 2010

Fubariffic

I feel like this is the only way to describe how my week has been. It has seriously sucked. I’m trying to keep it together but in light of my brother’s situation it’s not happening. My brother has left the hospital and as of today is refusing to seek any sort of in-patient treatment. How you go from having alcohol related seizures, almost dying, being hooked up to ventilator, hallucinating and losing all motor skills to walking out of the hospital without a plan of action is way beyond my comprehension.

I’m finding it hard not to take this emotional crap that he carries and wear it myself. I know I said “if he refused to go to treatment, I wouldn’t continue a relationship with him” but I didn’t actually think he’d refuse.

Seriously who would refuse after all that?

So here I am. Full of even more anger. Full of even more sadness. He no longer stands at the crossroad between getting sober and dying drunk. He picked his road. Now I stand at my own crossroad. Let him go or continue to be emotionally tied to his alcoholism. Free myself or continue to live under the shadow of my family’s inability to live up to our potential.You’d think it would be an easy road to pick.

It’s not

People often say “Tara, you’re so strong” or “Tara, you just have a great attitude towards life” but it wasn’t that way until I started this journey a short four months ago. I was a high functioning depressed person. I knew how to hide what I was feeling. I knew how to eat my way into some form of doableness (yes, I just made that word up). I knew how to get lost in a fantasy world and forget that I existed as a human being. I knew how to live as my family lived…a walking dead person.

I’ve tried for so long to explain to people that this weight loss journey isn’t just about watching the scale go down in numbers. It’s about getting my life back. It’s about looking at this picture:

And deciding that this sad woman deserves more than just weighing 263 pounds and living a life full of depression. Living no life at all really. I use words like “Fight”, “Battle”, “War” “Casualty” because that’s what this is for me. If I didn’t do something I would end up just like my mother (dead at 52), just like my oldest brother (dead at 50) and soon to be just like the youngest brother (alive at 46 but for how much longer?). I didn’t think anyone understood.

Until I read this post

Sentences pop out at me like a punch in the gut.

change becomes life or death.

A sense of urgency kicks in.

It’s that moment where you know it’s game over unless you do something to save yourself.

For the first time someone just described what the last four months of my life has been about. Not just the last four months behind me but the years ahead of me too. Every drop of sweat, every mile run, every tractor tire pushed and every lap swam is taking me farther and farther away from the picture up there.

and closer to my potential

So I’m sending out a special thanks to Rachel today. She’s fought my war and survived. It gives me hope that I too will survive. One drop of sweat at a time.

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GAH, now that the emotional dump truck is out of the way I can move on to the official pre OWiS Week in Review. I’ve had some great ups and some not so great downs. It was just a week to put my head down and push through to the weekend, which I will enjoy immensely by kicking some ass on the elliptical and swimming some serious laps in the pool. If I’m not too sore on Sunday I’m shooting for a non-stop 3.1 mile run. With that, lets move on to the review:

Sunday:  I signed up for my first Weekend Warrior Challenge put on by Brandon. I drank my gallons of water, did my 70 bosu ball sit-ups and swam 90 laps in the pool. I would have also practiced for my upcoming half marathon walk, but my brother decided to have seizures and get airlifted to the hospital…way to go brother.

Monday: I saw Superman and earned me some battle scars. I also spent the day at the hospital.

Tuesday:  I ran a personal best mile of 12:10 seconds. I wanted to swim a mile but eeked out 50 laps. Then I went to the hospital.

Wednesday:  After three long days of being at the hospital I decided I needed to get back to some sense of normalcy. I ellipticalled, I stair climbed, I sit uped, I ran a mile…oh and I pushed the tire tractor on my own.

Thursday: I saw Superman, I pushed an even bigger tractor tire and my short lived 12:10 mile was beat out by a 12:02 mile. Oh and I won my very first blog award!

Friday: My short lived 12:02 mile was beat out by a 12:01 mile. I am flying!

I worked hard this week despite the fubarrifficness that occurred. The scale has been all over the place this week. Loss or gain, I don’t much care. Monday I open up a can of WWOPD and kicking this crap goodbye!

See you tomorrow!





Friday Wrap Up / And ohhhh a yoga mat

30 04 2010

It’s that time of the week again folks. The time where I review the last seven days in preparation for OWiS #18. I do this to help me remember this journey isn’t about numbers but about becoming a healthier me. It’s also about taking control of my life and moving closer to what I was born to be; an athlete.

However, I am soooo close to 219 that this particular weigh-in is pretty much about the number. My calorie intake has been impressive (as per Superman).  My work outs have been intense (Minus Monday of course) and  I would like nothing more than to say goodbye to my 220’s  tomorrow morning. If not, it’s okay. I just keep my head down and keep moving. I am moving in the right direction and that my friends is the point of this journey.

Let’s get started

Saturday / Sunday – I declared these two days “NO GYM” days. Saturday I had some pent-up energy from sitting in a workshop all day so I ran up 10 flights of stairs. Sunday I decided to forego using a running program any longer. I felt constricted and needed to find the freedom to decide what worked for me. I took my run back to the streets and SHAZAM, I ran 5.5 miles!

Monday – I shared some personal information about my DISLIKE for change and my workout suffered because of it.

TuesdaySuperman proved himself to me once again. I learned a new mathematical equation (craptastic Monday = fantastic Tuesday) and I rocked it on the elliptical for an hour! I also pledged to run a real 5k (May 23rd) three weeks before my original 5k  (June 12) because Tony asked me too.

Wednesday – I officially became a Weekend Warrior. To celebrate I swam a mile. I went a little extra on this WWC and incorporated 25 other people to join me. William Wallace would be proud.

Thursday – I think I upped my game with Superman and for that I am tickled pink. Not only am I tickled pink, but I’m also painted blue for the upcoming WWC!

Friday – That leads us to today…I had a fantastic run!! I ran for 3.1 miles of which I only walked once for 45 seconds. This is a massive improvement over what I have been doing.  I ran 2.5 miles before walking…5 months ago I couldn’t run a block.  Then I swam a mile and I’ve been pooped ever since 🙂

Looking back over April, it’s been a very cool month. I ran almost 30 miles and swam the equivalent of 8.7 miles. I lost a total of 10.4 pounds (which is the second highest loss since starting this journey). I am looking forward to what May brings (besides the flowers) and I think the WWC is a great way to get started.

Tomorrow is another NO GYM day but I’m taking it one step further and declaring it a rest day. My husband and I have not had a day off together in over 4 weeks and I’m not about to waste this one sweating at the gym. I’ll weigh in, go back to bed and then enjoy the day with the man I love.

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I won my very first giveaway!

My VBB Jeremy over at Stellar Path won a really cool yoga mat from a previous giveaway and liked it so much he contacted the company to see if they would be willing to sponsor another giveaway on his blog. They agreed and I am the lucky recipient. The company is called Aurorae Yoga and the reviews from Jeremy are stellar (pun intended)! I’m really excited. There is a Sunday Yoga class at my gym that I’ve been too intimidated to go too but this is just the ticket to get me into that class.

I went with the Solar color.

I’m going to have to start thinking of my own giveaway here. I’m thinking bubbalicious and some old rubber bands….Hmmm, I better keep thinking.

See you all in the morning!





Pre OWiS week in review / 92 minute tally

16 04 2010

I’m going to try and make it a habit to post a week in review the night before my OWiS. I think it’s important to remember this journey is no longer about numbers (though them moving in the right direction is always an added bonus).

  • It’s about taking control of my life and becoming the woman I was meant to be.
  • It’s about taking my body to a whole new level.
  • It’s about working through the past to get to my future.
  • It’s about feeling frustrated and  pushing through it to succeed.
  • It’s about using the towel to wipe the dripping pouring sweat off my face and not about throwing it in and giving up.
  • It’s about becoming a Runner, a Swimmer, an Athlete.
  • It’s about making Optimus Prime Proud!

With that in mind, tomorrow is OWiS #16. I have had an incredible week of ups and downs, frustrations and successes, laughs and tears…oh man the tears this week! I hit a brick wall and then tore it down. I picked up two new mantras and I put some more steel in my steel toed shoes for my ass kickin, name taking journey.

Here are the highlights:

Sunday – I ran my first ever 3.1 miles (with some walking intervals). It was difficult and afterwards I cried like a baby. Then I swam for a mile as a reward.

Monday – I met with Superman. I hit the proverbial brick wall. I also discovered that I’m about to climb the biggest mountain of my life. I cried like a baby and felt sorry for myself.

Tuesday – I swam for a mile, thanked Superman for the session (and opening up my eyes) and picked up two new mantra’s. Feel free to use them.

Wednesday – I ran on the treadmill at a new speed of 4.3. I didn’t grab the bar once. I ran strong, I looked strong and I felt strong. I also discovered some new muscles….ouch!

Thursday – An hour with Superman and a new found hate love for inclined sit-ups and a green weighted ball. I didn’t really blog about it too much because I was focused on Ed and his 92 minute work out challenge.

Friday (Today) – I hit that elliptical hard this morning (keep reading). 92 minutes!! And because I love myself, I swam for 45 minutes afterwards.

Now whether the scale will move for me tomorrow or not, doesn’t seem like such a big deal…

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Today was my day to match Ed and his 92 minute work out pledge. It was hard as hell and I have a new-found respect for people who get on that thing day in and day out for hours and hours. I’m not as Rico Suave as he was with all his fancy picture-taking (actually his wife did all the work, he just got on the elliptical). I did however manage to take a few pictures as proof of all my perseverance:

Just Starting out (Min 1).

Minute 30 and all kinds of sweaty already.

Minute 60 and I am pooped.

Seriously pooped.

92 minutes later…

I recruited some of my friends to join me. Sheetal, Jessica, Amy, Kelso, Jan, Dawn and Deb from Calorie King all did 92 minutes of sweating. Josie, Jord, Vinny, Amber, Seth and even Ed (who started this whole thing) pledged to move for 92 minutes…

Let’s calculate this: 15 x 92 = 1380 minutes = 23 hours worth of sweat! Almost an entire day!!! Fantastic!!

Time to close this post and let the numbers speak tomorrow. Regardless of what happens I kicked ass this week and to treat myself, I’m getting a massage and a hair cut tomorrow!

Oh and let me leave you with one more picture comparison, in case you’re wondering if what you’re doing is worth it:

This was me at the end of December 2009

This is me today April 16th 2010

And this my friends is why I move, sweat, cry, scream, laugh, and ask myself WWOPD!