Who I am

 

Dec 2009 (270lbs) Feb 2011 (160lbs)

Smoker Non-Smoker

Meth Head Recovered

Lost Found

Confused Living in Clarity

Morbidly Obese Fit

Toxic Clean

Inferior Equal

Scared Facing my fears

Depressed Lifted

Sad Joyful

Afraid to let go Learning to forgive

Abused Survivor

Should Have Going in head first

Introvert Learning to find comfort in others

One An army of many

Frenzied Calm

Self Hatred Self Loving

Cold Warm

Anxious Peaceful

Inattentive Mindful

Sluggish Energetic

Trivial Vital

Worthless Valuable

Negative Positive

Weak Strong

Dead Alive

Who I was / Who I am. Plain and simple. I was lost but now I am found. In a 270 pound body I was dying a slow and very sad death. I write a lot about this Life Changing Journey not being just about weight for me. It was about saving my life on a mental / emotional / and spiritual level as well.

What you read here is me: The absolute truth.

Making this journey so public has helped me in ways that I can’t explain. It forced me to step outside of myself and see me for who I really was and more importantly who I wanted to become. I’m on a mission now. No one deserves to live the life I was living. Full of self hatred, self loathing and feeling as if there is nothing more to life than to sit and wait for it to leave you behind.

My mission is to move forward and build an army of people that care about who they are. To care about themselves and in turn to care about you. To feel loved and deserving of happiness and then to turn that loose onto you because even if you think you don’t deserve it:

I know you do.

13 responses

18 02 2010
Rob Dyess

Tara, I answered your post that you made on The Anti-Jarrod blog. Good job…. just keep it up, this will be all worth it.

I turned 40 two years ago and felt the same way… except I was 304. I was like, “holy crap!!”- I used to use that as a reference point. I would say things like- “Well, she must be 300lbs.” or “It’s not like I weigh 300lbs.” But I did.

Fortunately, I was able to get in on the People Magazine deal and THEY payed for me to have a personal trainer. But what you are describing is very much like what I did…. just baby steps at first.

I will be following you. Thanks!!

Rob

Oh, and you can check out my blog at http://www.weighdownsouth.com

19 02 2010
263andcounting

Thanks for you comment Rob. I’m pushing along. Some days easy some I just want to flush down the toilet lol. I am definately going to be perusing your blog!

23 06 2010
Sarah

Hey Tara! Thanks for the comment re: depression meds. I too am very worried about the long term need for taking Wellbutrin. I do not want to get to a place where I depend on it. at this point though, I am willing to try it to get a jump start on my weight loss.

I noticed on your profile that you are a sign language interpreter. Sign language and the Deaf community have always been an interest of mine, and it really became more necessary for me to understand it all when I began teaching in a school with a large deaf population. I have contemplated going to school to become an interpreter but can’t seem to justify the cost for schooling in order to take a pretty decent pay cut. Most of the opportunities in Omaha are as an educational interpreter, and the pay is less than appealing. Sigh… It’s still something I keep in the back of my mind. Do you love it?

27 06 2010
Ms Mel.

Tara, the age thing combined with weight also motivated me. I’ll be 42 the end of August and this week my weight is about where you’re at, but I’m only 5′ tall, so what’s a great accomplishment for you isn’t so hot for little me. (Your BMI is 10% lower than mine.) Keep chasing the pot of gold at the end of your rainbow. Your success is wind beneath my wings.

27 07 2010
extantwoman

So glad I found your blog! We are on a similar journey!

http://Www.extantwoman.wordpress.com

Blessings~
Charli

29 07 2010
Tammy

Hey! Glad I found your blog. I was 263-268(not exactly what I was on the day i made the decision)! closing in on 40, and looking forward to a long healthy life. Your blog is inspiring-my weight loss has been slower, but I’m getting there. congrats on your successes!

25 08 2010
jayme

Hey,

Just wanted to say thanks for your blog! I’ve really been inspired by your progress! I’m on my own journey and have started blogging about it as well: http://losinghalfmyweight.blogspot.com/

I wish you well and know that you’ve got company far and wide!

Jayme

26 08 2010
Jessi

It was wonderful meeting you at the gym tonight, I am so thankful that the universe saw fit to put you in my path because I sure needed some proof that the hard work pays off and you are living proof of that :D. I hope to see you at the gym again soon!

27 08 2010
263andcounting

Jessi, I can’t even begin to tell you in words how inspired I was (and am) seeing you last night. I know exactly how hard it is to be right where you are and I am so excited for you. This is going to be the hardest, most frustrating, absolutely the most fantastic journey of your life and I am just tickled pink I got to be a part of it for even just a few minutes last night. Hard work will pay off. It will pay off in more ways than you can imagine. You better believe you’ll see me at the gym cause I’ve got my own life to save and it starts by sweating off my past!

19 12 2010
Tara Kieninger

Hi Tara from another Tara! Just found your blog today and I’m am so inspired by your transformation! You have done an amazing thing and you should be so proud! I am turning 40 in April 2011 and am nearly at my all-time high weight-wise (about 235 lbs). I lost 45 lbs last fall/winter but have put almost all of it back on now nearly a year later….you can read about my journey at http://soskinnyontheinside.blogspot.com. I see myself in the mirror and I am sad, angry, disgusted, depressed. You name it. And I know I need to turn my life around because I don’t like how I look or how I feel and I want to be healthy for me and my family. I’m banking that 2011 will be my year to finally get it together. I’ll be stopping back by for more inspiration!

18 02 2011
Manique

I read some of your blog and was very touched by your determination and victory. I have battled simular if not the same battles and I am inspired by you. Its interesting for me that I googled your page tonight as I have been unhappy with my appearance of late. I was going well on a diet for a while but lately just keep slipping. I was particularly inspired by your talk in the car where you just sat with the pain and I find that extremely brave – I still battle to just sit with it. God bless you

21 03 2011
FutureFitGirl

so honest & inspirational! thanks for being this open!

22 03 2011
stacy

No words….just my tears of joy for you. I am so proud of you.

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