Exposing myself to the world…

12 10 2010

This time last year I was still sitting around playing World of Warcraft for upwards to 8 hours a day. I weighed the heaviest I’ve ever weighed (270 pounds) and I was in a sad state of affairs. This time last year Mish was typing a post about exposing yourself and loving the body in which we have. I didn’t love my body. I didn’t love me. There wasn’t very much I loved about my life…

Oh how a year changes so many things…

Today is the one year anniversary of her “expose” yourself challenge. Brave people all over stepped forward and took pictures of themselves. Taking pictures of myself during this journey is nothing new. I do it all the time. In fact, just two days ago I wrote a post about emotional weight and in that post I showed a nearly naked (okay all the way naked but posed precariously) of what I looked like in the very beginning of this journey.

But the picture from December is not me any longer.

This is me…

And this is me…

But this is also me

thighs sitting down

and this is me…

Thanks Jen (priorfatgirl) for the courage to take this picture.

Everyday I see the loose skin and I hate it. You can tell me all you want that we should wear the loose skin as a battle scar to what we’ve overcome. What I see is the results of what I did to my body over the last 40 years. I love the way I look in clothes…

I hate the way I look naked (exposed)

I’m joining this “exposing” yourself challenge because I want to learn to love the way my body looks both in and out of clothes. I want to learn to love my arms (which are getting better all the time) and to love my belly (which may or may not change over the course of the next year). I want to learn to love the muscles I see in my thighs (which I do) and also learn to love the skin that covers those muscles (which I don’t).

Part of me wishes I had been on this journey this time last year because the change is night and day. I don’t know what I’m going to look like a year from now but I’ll tell you one thing for sure…

I’ll still be here.

Will you?

 

 

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43 responses

12 10 2010
Julia

You are beyond amazing AND beautiful!

14 10 2010
Cecilia

Wow! You have come so far and worked so hard. I am so impressed and inspired. Maybe one day I will be able to do this.

12 10 2010
Miz

I’ve read this twice and I have so many thoughts I almost have no comment.
I’m so proud of you and amazed and in awe and fraught w/ink envy (you knew id say it).

I’m sad that you don’t already see your bodybeauty but I look forward to joining you on this journey the next year and beyond.

Carla

12 10 2010
AFG

Tara you are beautiful girl, inside and out!!!! I am one that does NOT believe in wearing loose skin as a battle scar. Whoever came up with that idea was smoking crack – or a few grand short of getting the plastic surgery done.

Your arms are phenominal in particular. Everything looks real good. I’m so proud of you.

12 10 2010
Sean @ Learn Fitness

Amazing post and your pictures are brave and honest … I love it!!! You are an inspiration to many people … Keep up the awesome work and welcome to the journey.

12 10 2010
Katy

Every time I see an “exposed” post I get chills…it never gets old to see people bare themselves (ha!) to the world. I hope you got incredible power with this post.

12 10 2010
Slimmin' Sam

All I can say is I love you and you are amazing… I am soooo FREAKING happy that I got to know you.

12 10 2010
Molly

wow, a year and you have changed so much! I love the pictures- it shows a great accomplishment and some fuckin sweet tats!

12 10 2010
Mish

The exposed idea is about being real with yourself RIGHT NOW! And that’s EXACTLY what you did and you deserve so much for that. We, I, have spent so long running from my body that I can’t even begin to describe to you the amount of guilt I’ve had recently for not embracing who I was a LONG time ago. So I say to you..HELL YES!!! For taking a stand RIGHT NOW and admitting what you love, what you don’t and where you want to go. You’re amazing, strong and courageous.

12 10 2010
Exposed: One Year Later | Eating Journey

[…] Tara:263andcounting *first time* […]

12 10 2010
Sarah @ Fat Little Legs

Hell ya… I’ll be here. I have had the same comments, about how the loose skin is the scars of this journey. You know what I deserve those scars for treating my body awfully, but I also deserve to love myself. I am TRYING SO hard… but I have lots of progress to make… for instance. I am NOT brave enough to take these pics and share them… yet!

12 10 2010
Jen, a priorfatgirl

There is something liberating behind hitting publish on a photo you’ve previously never even allowed yourself to view. I’m amused that often we (meaning me) allow ourselves to believe that the exact thing we are hiding (as in the skin) really matters to anyone else. I find it ironic that while we are so worried about what others may think of ourselves, it is that exact thought that they themselves are having…they are worried about what we think of them.

I am so proud of you for posting this – I am so thankful for you posting this. Thank you for letting me know, I am not the only one.

12 10 2010
steph

i get it.
i see you.
you’re beautiful.
and i will be here.

thanks for… spurring me on by living outloud.

12 10 2010
Caroline Calcote

As I said on your “emotional weight” post, we have alot in common. I was also 270 and am now 170. I’m 41 (not sure of your age). But I have that same skin. I hate it also. But I’m not ashamed of it. But I have not been as brave as you and posted a picture of it on my blog. Bravo! You are awesome.

12 10 2010
seattlerunnergirl

I’ll be here. And I’m so excited to walk through this next year with you. And discover the beauty in BOTH our bodies as we learn more and more to love and embrace ourselves EVERY DAY!

12 10 2010
Rita @ The Giggly Bits

I am sooo proud of you. Truly. I get all of that completely, every word.

12 10 2010
chris

looking good.
I have loose skin and quite frankly, I don’t care.
I know that’s weird…but I just don’t.
I don’t think about it because it is what it is. It won’t be leaving because I don’t have the money to remove it.
I am just glad I got healthy.
You look fantastic.
Great job! You have made yourself over anew.
It takes guts to do that.
Keep up your good work…can’t wait to see the battleships.

12 10 2010
Melissa Mashburn

Brave. Braver than me.

12 10 2010
Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parenting

We could be sisters of the loose skin. We should form a tribe, sing Kumbaya and chant for it to go away, or something.

I can’t believe all these exposed posts are out there, and I’ve been contemplating one for about a week. Timing? A sign? Yes.

So proud of you!

12 10 2010
Jessi

Beauty is truth’s smile
when she beholds her own face in
a perfect mirror.

12 10 2010
Kirsten (Results Not Typical Girl)

Great post. Best ending. Ever.

p.s. How are the tats liking body-rearranging? Mine is completely unrecognizable. Sigh.

12 10 2010
Brandon

Tara, this is just plain awesome! It’s amazing to see up close and personal just how far you’ve come. And I LOVE the rare chance to see some more of your tats 🙂

13 10 2010
MrsFatass

Beautiful, strong, hotass, tatted up (um, YUM), healthy, amazing you.

What a difference a year makes, huh?

13 10 2010
Gal Baby

You’re f*cking awesome Tara. That’s it, just f*cking awesome.

13 10 2010
Kristi

Ok, in another context this would sound really rude, but you’ve got a really cute ass! And I am awed by your clavicles. Just sayin’.

13 10 2010
erintakescontrol

Courage. Brave. STRONG. I’ve taken the photos for my own exposed post, but writing the actual post is proving to be harder than I thought it would be.

18 10 2010
Josie @thestartingline

SAME HERE.

WTF is up with that?!

13 10 2010
Betsy

Gorgeous! And brave. And strong.

Yes, I’ll still be here and I can’t wait to see what we’ll all look like in one year, and to read what we’re all saying.

13 10 2010
Renée (@lowfatpie)

yes very brave. very inspirational. woman of courage and steel. but also very, very real. we love you. you are beautiful!

13 10 2010
Renée (@lowfatpie)

oh and the milk and cookies? too fabulous for words!

13 10 2010
Meegan

There you go amazing me again. Every day a new inspiration. You are a fierce strength Tara Martin. Your spirit is bigger than I think you even realize. Your humor and character are a sheer joy. That shines through every pore of your gorgeous body that you’ve exposed here.

I don’t see anything worthy of hate in these pictures. Nothing. Everything is strength. You are strength. Every ounce worthy of love and appreciation. Its so easy to love externally, loving all of you is hella hard. We’ll keep working on it together…

I have tears rolling down my face in pride for what you’ve done here. I do expose myself in a different way every week. I have photos of my body like this every week now for months. Difference is I haven’t posted them on my blog to share. Maybe someday I’ll do that.

13 10 2010
Mary (A Merry Life)

This was so powerful to see and read. I really appreciate you and Jen for showing the good and the bad and the struggle there is to accept it. This feels so real and amazing. I’m really proud of you for all the work you’ve done. You are amazing.

And I love the milk and cookies underwear. Hehe. 🙂

13 10 2010
Ms Mel

I’ll be here next year too, G-d willing, and plan to expose my new truth then too. Thanks for the continued honesty and inspiration, Tara!

14 10 2010
Jen (Making Messes)

So proud! Beautiful pics! Nice ass. 😉

14 10 2010
BrookeNotOnADiet

Amazing
Brave
Beautiful
Strong
Rockstar

You are all those things and more.

14 10 2010
Roni

You look AMAZING!! And like Miz I’m envious of your ink. 🙂

An to answer you question.. yes.. yes I will be.

15 10 2010
15 10 2010
Amy Nielson

Thanks for saying and showing everything I wish I was courageous enough to.

16 10 2010
Cari

that’s amazing. Absolutely amazing.
I admire your courage and honesty through this.

18 10 2010
Josie @thestartingline

You are beautiful Tara.
I love you for so many reasons, but today I love you for sharing yourself with us in such an intimate way.

and YES, I will be here.

22 10 2010
Hidden Messages… « 263 and counting

[…] all the comments on the last three posts.  “How much do you weigh Emotionally“, “Exposing myself to the world” and “Fear of making goal weight” were some very emotionally driven posts. I blog […]

22 10 2010
Nicole Weite

Trust me, I have the loose skin on the belly too. Good for you and your bravery.

18 11 2010
stacy

I am not as brave as you are. I admire your courage to expose yourself so candidly. I cannt do it. I, like you, take numerous photos of myself. It is frightening, exciting, cathardic. I am unable to bare the real me to anyone right now (except a significant other and even then there are carefully draped covers or rules for not touching the flabbery goo that is called my stomach.) I know where I was…standing on the cliff of 249 baring down on 250. I know where I am today…210 and oddly enough wider around the middle than before. My waist is gone. However, keeping 39 lbs at bay has been a constant battle, not to mention the never-ending battle to reach&keep 199. God forbid I even discuss the goal of 170. Pffffft. Either way I love the person I am, just not the gut, legs & excess skin at the inner thighs. I dress to hide my flaws, while you so boldly shareyours, visually, with the world. You amaze me daily. Thank you…for the 100th time. I will get there. It just won’t be today…..

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