DDGBD #6 / Getting back to the basics.

26 09 2010

Goals to accomplish by December:
Finish trek tri in under 2 hours (done)
Dead lift 150 pounds (done)
Consistently run 10 minute mile (done)
Get into size 12 pants (done)
Make my bed everyday (hahahahahahahaha)

Proud moment:
I’m pretty sure that picture up there sums up my proud moment!

Need to work on the following:
I’m going back to the basics (more to follow down below) and counting calories again. That’s going to be my focus for a bit.

___________________________________________________________________________

So let’s talk about getting back to basics.

I’ve been on this LCJ for 9 months. I’ve learned a lot of things a long the way. I’ve learned that I can count calories and stay within the numbers alloted. I’ve learned that there is a difference between my brain being hungry and my body being hungry. I’ve learned how to set small goals that are achievable instead of focusing on the end goal which seemed so far away in the beginning. I’ve learned how to feel emotions and to stay in the moment for at least 85% of the time (which is damn good for me). I’ve learned how to push my plate away when I’m full and to say out loud “I’m eating mindlessly and I need to stop”. I’ve learned that I don’t have to count calories and I can eat intuitively when I take the necessary steps to keep myself prepared. I’ve learned what a serving size looks like (never big enough in my honest opinion) and most importantly…

I’ve learned to take control of my life.

I never really thought about what I would do once I reached my first goal weight of 170 pounds. In all honesty I never thought it would be here as fast as it seems to be approaching. I didn’t wake up one day in December of ’09 and think to myself “I’m gonna balls to the walls this LCJ and at the end of September I’m going to have lost close to 100 pounds”. In fact I think that one day in December ’09 went something a little more like “Well haven’t you just gotten yourself into a fine mess here. Look at yourself fat girl. This is it. Now or never. Do something. Anything. But please don’t let this be your life anymore.”

(Then I’m pretty sure I took myself to Jack in the Box.)

Here I am. So close to that first goal weight of 170 I can see it standing there waiting for me to cross the proverbial finish line and yet I’m still scared to get there. Scared because I don’t know what’s next. All I’ve known for the past 9 months is how to lose the weight that I’ve been carrying around since I was a little girl. All I’ve had in my mind for the past 9 months is that neon sign that says:

170

As I get closer to that number my anxiety about reaching this goal is going up exponentially. What’s going to happen once I reach that it? Will I sit back and think “okay that was awesome, now bring me cake” Will I secretly begin paying for a World of Warcraft account again because it’s okay to play when you weigh 170 pounds? Will I take myself on a one woman date through Kentucky Fried Chicken and attempt to get past third base as I double down a double down?

Probably not…

However, I am feeling myself getting angst about it and that in turn is keeping me from reaching that goal weight and moving on to bigger and better things. September has been my lowest weight loss since starting this journey. Before you jump up from your reading and scream “BUT TARA -5.2 POUNDS IS STILL A LOT”, I already know this and I’m not down playing the weight loss during this month. I’m just making a point here. I’m pretty sure I’m self sabotaging so that I don’t have to get to that goal weight. The odd thing is I’m not doing it the way most people would think of self – sabotaging. I’m not letting days go by without breaking a sweat or sneaking in a 2000 calorie meals in my car in some deserted parking lot and then going home in hopes my husband doesn’t smell the fries on my breath or notice the ketchup stain on my shirt.

In fact, it’s just the opposite. I don’t think I’m eating enough. I think I’m so scared to reach that goal weight of 170 that I’ve resorted to eating too little and that in turn is keeping me from losing any weight. I could be wrong. I could be stressed out from going back to work full time after being unemployed for the past four months and know that my body tends to gain weight during times of stress. Hell it could be because I’ve lost 85 pounds in the last 9 months and my body just needs a damn break.

But I’m pretty sure it’s because I’m not eating enough.

Which brings me to the point of all of this yammering. In the beginning I counted calories to make sure I didn’t eat too much. Now I’m going back to counting calories to make sure I am eating enough. I need to know that I’m not unconsciously trying to keep myself from reaching that goal of 170. Back to measuring and reading about serving sizes, logging my food and making sure that at the end of the day I’m eating the approximate 1500 – 2300 calories per day that my body needs to move towards that proverbial finish line. I need to stop worrying about whats suppose to happen next and focus on what’s happening today. I need to stay in the moment and know that it’s okay to move toward reaching that goal because whatever is supposed to happen next is going to be great and it will not involve cake, world of warcraft and doubling down myself on third base!!

So here’s to getting back to the basics and moving forward!

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11 responses

26 09 2010
Kristi

You rock! And look at you, knowing what you need to make sure you’re taking care of yourself! You are a great inspiration to me and am so excited for you.

Maybe your next goal is to stay at 170? I have never gotten so far as to have to try to maintain, but I hear it’s a journey all of it’s own.

26 09 2010
Jessi

Healthy self awareness, it is awesome!

26 09 2010
Molly

I cannot believe you have lost 85 pounds! That’s awesome, and you look fabulous 🙂

26 09 2010
seattlerunnergirl

Holy schneike, your progress still amazes me. I am so proud of you. I am also with you in being a little scared at the not-knowing-ness of what comes next once we reach goal. Then there’s this other part of me that is THRILLED to feel that way because that means I actually KNOW and BELIEVE I will reach goal!! Does that make sense?

Anyhow, I know you will hit this out of the park just as you do everything else. Your life is changing, both internally and externally, and not just with weigh – with your athleticism, your work, your future plans. I can’t wait to see how that all unfolds. But even though I don’t know the details, I DO know this: you are going to go through it all with grace, honesty, transparency, and a desire to grow and be your best you. So, bring it on!

26 09 2010
Nathan

I really enjoyed reading this positive post!
I have never tried counting calories but might give it a try.
I am constantly getting my butt-kicked in the hills when out suffering on the bike – gotta lose some weight.

Nathan
Taipei, Taiwan

27 09 2010
Ed

I was just talking to my wife about this yesterday Tara! I told her that I was upset that I have plateaued and that I needed to go back to basics and start tracking everything. I think I’ve figured out how to maintain, but I need to still lose first. This post rings home to me. thanks!

27 09 2010
Bella

Getting back to basics is exactly what’s going to break through that plateau. The calorie range you mentioned 1500-2300 is really large, but it sounds like you’re going to try to eat to the higher end of that, especially on the days when you have intense workouts (most days for you!).

I can’t wait to see what your next major goal is.

27 09 2010
balancingmychemicals

I found your blog over the weekend, and am amazed, impressed, and inspired.

Fear of success – conscious or not – definitely leads to sabotage. But you are already calling upon the tools you’ve used to get you this far to make sure you overcome that impulse. That is impressive, and particularly because it shows that you’ve internalized how to be successful.

You rock! You will see 170, and you’ll continue to long-term success. We’re all cheering for you. Go!!!

28 09 2010
Josie

It wasn’t too long ago and I was that girl hoping my husband wouldn’t smell fries on my breath. You’ve come so far and I’m so inspired by you and the amazing progress you’ve made in your life! I am the master of self sabotage, but you at least recognize it and are doing something to stop it. AWESOME!

You WILL see that 170. Soon. I just know it.

28 09 2010
GeorgiaBE

Tara you’ve had an amazing journey so far! Such a great testament to what a human body can do when the mind is set on doing it!

Be careful with the stress…it really does mess up the weight loss (even if everything else is being done right, those stress hormones will slow things down)!

I’m going back to basics myself—back to tracking everything I eat, and every move I make!

I’ll be cheering with you when you hit 170–I know it’ll be soon!

29 09 2010
MizFit

ahhh stress.
(thats all Im gonna say on a public forum)
I will add that if you need help with aforementioned basics you know where to find me!

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