When you think you can’t…you must.

21 04 2010

It’s Wednesday.

I”m sore.

Almost unbearably sore.

I blame Superman and his idea of fun.

(It was kind of fun)

I’m having to will myself to walk down stairs.

My thighs are just about ready to revolt against me in this journey.

Yesterday I got on the elliptical for 60 minutes and sweated my ass off. Literally speaking of course but I’m pretty sure my ass is smaller. I actually stopped myself in a full length mirror at the gym and was like “Oh hey wait a minute, is that my butt?”

(the answer was yes!)

Today should have been a run day for me. As soon as I woke up I knew it wouldn’t be. I almost didn’t go to the gym because of my frustration level. I don’t like being sore and not being able to follow through with what I’ve planned. I don’t do well with change even something as simple as changing a routine at the gym.

I decide to give it a try and head to the gym. As soon as I start my warm up I know it’s a no go. However, I’m already at the gym so I have some options. All is not lost. I decide to head to the elliptical because I’m so frustrated that I need something to help me work through it.

I get to the 30 minute mark.

I am angry.

Angry that I’m overweight. Angry that a session with Superman has made me this sore. Angry that this journey is some serious hard work not only physically but emotionally as well. Angry that 40 years of unfavorable learned behavior won’t just undo itself in 4 months. Angry that this is a lifetime decision and while it’s a decision that will probably save my life, I never should have been at this crossroad in the beginning. I’m angry at my mother, my father, my brothers. I’m angry with myself. I want to get off the elliptical, throw a towel over my head, and scream like a 3 year old. I want to push the person next to me and provoke them into yelling at me just so I would have a good reason to clock them in the face. I want to break the mirror in front of me because the person looking back at me is weak, fat and unforgiving.

I did get off the elliptical.

I didn’t cover my face and scream like 3 year old. I smiled at the person next to me. I pointed to the person in the mirror and wiggled my finger for her to follow me.

I jumped on that treadmill and ran for a mile.

All is right in my world today.

How’s your world?




7 responses

21 04 2010

You are hard core. But remember you do need rest and recovery to keep up the pace. Seriously.

Also – walking down the stairs backwards makes a HUGE difference to the pain factor. Try it!

22 04 2010

hey the walking backwards totally helped!!

21 04 2010

I hate that sore feeling but I also love it. It will pass in a day or two. Keep stretching also! Do Work mama!

22 04 2010

workin it!

22 04 2010

I call it the good sore. You got it from doing good things, even if it is painful and it sort of sucks. I remember in High School playing field hockey, we’d have two a day practices start in August. We’d be running and practicing 8 hours a day (5 in the AM, 3 in the PM) and even though I was way healthier then, I was still over 200 pounds. I couldnt go up and down the stairs, I’d have to sit on my ass and scoot up and down them….

Maybe a day off??

22 04 2010

I can take a day off but right now I choose not too because I know old behaviors will turn one day into two days into three days….

I just chug along.

23 04 2010
A declaration / Week in review (pre OWiS #17) / shopping « 263 and counting

[…] – I was Angry but I got the job done. Oh and I made a cool list, I suggest you do the […]

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